defiance at its best

So I've been having an extremely hard time lately with my 28 month old. I've been gathering a bunch of information from other parents and have come to realize that my 2 year old is what they deam "strong-willed". She has always been what we called independant but now that independance has and is turning into outright defiance.

Case in point....as I am writing this I am delivering my 4th spanking with a spoon for getting out of bed. She knows that she's not suppose to. Everytime I explain that she needs to listen and is not obeying mommy but everytime she comes out and gives me the puppy dog eyes with some new excuse...(ilk---for milk; her new favorite pawee pawee--for potty; b--she wants to be covered up; or owweee--for some new things she discovered has hurt). I remind her that I love her but she needs to listen and go nigh-nite. I'm kinda at my wits end. I just pray that she will remain in her bed so that I don't have to follow through one more time.

I'm reading the book, "the new strong willed child" by dobson and still seeking advice. I have to admit I feel like a failure as a parent for not being able to control her. I see other parents with their little ones walking beside them...following them around from spot to spot and wonder what I'm doing wrong.

In my heart I know we are doing what God has called us as a parent to do I just didn't think it was going to be this hard.